Sacrifice

Sacrifice: “Something given up or lost”. Yet, when we sacrifice, we tend to gain something! As a parent I now understand more fully why Susie and I give up so much of our personal time and treasures for our children. The satisfaction and joy of watching our children become wonderful citizens and happy people is wonder and awe. It’s the common good that is the reward. Seeing others enjoy life more fully as a result of our sacrifice makes it all worth it. Giving up of our time, talents, and treasures is not something to be done in vain or for the sake of being nice. The ultimate goal is to gain something greater than that which was sacrificed. When I give of my time to help one of my children I gain greater respect as a father and discover a deeper love between us.

Helping our kids to understand this deeper level of sacrifice can help them to do things, not because we said that they ought to, but because they will gain happiness in their relationships with others and greater success in their lives. Goodness should be the goal of sacrifice – not affliction. True sacrifice is never pointless. A sacrificial person should expect to gain in the end at the expense of self and to the wealth of all.

“In this world it is not what we take up, but what we give up, that makes us rich.” – Henry Ward Beecher

Here are a few ways we can sacrifice and win:

  • Heart – Let someone go first.
  • Mind – Give up some play time to practice an academic skill.
  • Body – Help a family member with a chore that isn’t your own.
  • Soul – Consider how your personal talents make you special to our community.

Learning Links

Questioning & Posing Problems

Do you know the proverb, “Feed someone a fish and you feed them for a day; teach them how to fish and you feed them for a lifetime”? The author may be unknown, but the message is really clear. Learning is something we do, not something that happens to us. Whether children are learning to ride a bike or writing complex sentences, parents and teachers can’t do it for them. They need to do it on their own for them to truly learn. Our habit of the week is an essential principle to great parenting and teaching.
Consider all of the thinking involved when you allow your child to solve a problem on their own. You may have a good answer you would like to share, but allowing a child to question and problem solve on their own nurtures neurons and helps grow intelligence. Use the 80:20 question:answer rule. Ask questions 80% of the time and give answers 20%. I believe this is a healthy ratio for most children. Once they are confident with their ability to resolve problems, more questions and fewer answers is appropriate. Avoid questions that provide a simple answer such as, “yes” or “no”. Use questions that lead to creativity and problem solving. Ask “How?’ Why? What if…? Can you help me understand? Have you considered…?” Jonas Saulk once said, “The answer to any problem pre exists. We need to ask the right question to reveal the answer.”
The question a child typically asks first is drawn from his/her personal temperament. There is a desire to seek answers that satisfy our inner curiosity. For example, a child with a strong blue kite has a dominant interpersonal intelligence and will likely be drawn to the WHO question. A green kite thinks more intrapersonally and asks WHY. The red thinker wants to know WHEREand HOWbecause he/she is more hands-on and visually smart. The yellow kite considers logistics of a question and asks WHATand WHEN. If we follow the natural questioning path that a child travels, we are likely to lead him/her straight to the correct answers.
Imagine the difference between giving your child a toy model car versus giving your child a toy model to build a car. Answering versus questioning has the same effect. When our children build a model they go through the process of discovery that is essential to deep understanding, innovation, and joy. If we are always providing the answers to questions, we get to show them how smart we are. Unfortunately, that does little for their own brain. Thinking power comes from asking questions and posing problems. In our brain we do the work to resolve those questions and problems and build neural pathways that become tools for the next time the question or problem arises.
“If I had an hour to solve a problem and my life depended on the solution, I would spend the first 55 minutes determining the proper question to ask, for once I know the proper question, I could solve the problem in less than five minutes.” – Albert Einstein
“Quality questions create a quality life. Successful people ask better questions , and as a result, they get better answers.” – Anthony Robbins
HELPFUL LEARNING LINKS

Wonder and Awe

What a Wonderful World – Louis Armstrong
Wonder, as a noun, causes appreciation, excitement, and sometimes absolute amazement. As a verb, wonder makes us want to know something more and to be creative.  Consider the multitude of inventions that all started with the question, “I wonder what would happen if I …”. Great thinkers consider what might be possible with the improbable. Planes would never have flown, music would never have been sung, and bridges never built had somebody not wondered. Allowing and encouraging wonder let’s our children realize that a box only stores what already exists; thinking outside of the box let’s our imagination redesign the shape and size of our boxes.

  • Heart – Share something wonderful and awesome about your family.
  • Mind – Research an inventor and examine how they came up with an invention.
  • Body – Sign up for a race.
  • Soul – Provide quiet time for wondering. Turn off the electronic noise and wonder.

Wonder rather than doubt is the root of all knowledge.” – Abraham Joshua Heschel

“You only lose energy when life becomes dull in your mind. Your mind gets bored and therefore tired of doing nothing… Get interested in something! Get absolutely enthralled in something! Get out of yourself! Be somebody! Do something… The more you lose yourself in something bigger than yourself, the more energy you will have.” – Norman Vincent Peale

“I think, at a child’s birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift would be curiosity.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“Wonders never cease, as long as we never cease to wonder.” – Ziggy (cartoon)

Learning Links